Saturday, July 5, 2008

Support for How People are Personally Feeling

Thanks for asking for what you want and here it is:
Could/would you add an 'archive' title or particular 'place' on this blog for people to post how they are personally FEELING through this ordeal? Not about the politics, or details, but the 'heart-strings'?

Who will be the first to share?

3 comments:

tony said...

I feel mostly sad at the ongoing loss of Big Sur as I know it.

I feel outrage whenever I hear about a lack of resources to fight the fire -- something I have never seen in my 50+ years as a Californian. I feel angrier still that the diminished resources are partly because of the drain of our stupid "global war" and callous attitude of the current powers than be. Our governement is simply meaner than ever.

I feel powerless around how to help -- even when I am -- and overwhelmed to the point of paralysis in knowing what to say to people who have lost their homes.

I am amazed at the strength and courage of people who fought the fire on Wednesday night when Ventana and Nepenthe, for example, surely would have burned if not for those who fought the fire.

I am glad that this fire had a natural cause (lightning) because otherwise I would be really pissed.

I am grateful for the firefighters, their punk attitudes, in some cases, notwithstanding.

I am in awe of the strength of the human spirit -- individually and collectively.

I'm happy that the fire has broken up some of the patterns of isolation within the Big Sur community and that people are re-connecting and helping each other, however little or however much.

Most of all, I am comforted in knowing that Big Sur will not be destroyed -- "just" changed, however dramatically -- and ultimately renewed.

Tzila "Z Duenzl said...

Written 7-5:

I just watched the Jeff Oster video on the Surfire site (http://www.surfire2008.org/showvolunteer.php?lookupId=446 )
and I have to take the time right now to share what I am feeling. I have been staying very busy helping in any way that I can, and holding positive and strong thoughts for Big Sur and all my friends and family there, but today, somehow, that escapes me, and the reality of what is happening to the precious land of Big Sur that I love and that I call my spiritual and heart‘s home and to the people there that I call family…is sinking in, and I am very sad and…finally…crying. I know we need to keep stiff upper-lips to get the work done that needs doing and hold good thoughts and prayers and do whatever we can in this situation to be supportive, take care of business, and keep going, but my heart is broken, and I need to feel that fully today…then move on with the next thing that needs to be done.

I may not live right in Big Sur these days, but I did for 30 years and it’s my home in every way. What happens there to the land and the people happens to me too. I fear that this fire is taking away so much that I will not see Big Sur recover in my life-time, and that fear makes me unbelievably sad. People say “this fire is good because it’s Nature’s way”, or “life is change” or whatever, but regardless, the loss and grief is overwhelming, and I need to share what I am feeling. I am sure there are others who are feeling as I am, and hopefully my sharing this will help us all.

I know we will dance again in the full-lunacy of a Big Sur full moon, and children will be born and grow, and trees and plants and deer and birds will re-animate the land, and
I will rally…those who know me know that…and get back to work helping how and when I can, but, for today, I am shedding tears.

I wrote the following piece a few months ago and the Big Sur Round-up published it; I share it here, as it says all I am feeling today.

“What is it about Big Sur that ‘owns’ me…no matter where I am or how long I am away?

The scents? Sage & Yuerba Buena; Yarrow & Eucalyptus; sticky sweet Ice Plant & strange Lichen; Seaweed & salt sand…..

The colors? Golden Granite against azure skies; the multitude of greens, blues and greys of the Ocean; bright yellow, soft blue, shocking pink of Wildflowers; Golden-rose Sunsets; the translucent rusty-red of the Sun through a Redtail’s tail….

The sounds? Calls of Crows, Jays, Gulls, an occasional Owl and a myriad of little ‘Tweeters; the wind in the Pines; chittering Squirrels, barking Sea Lions & the calls of Coyotes at dawn & dusk; Whales’ exhales; the rolling thunder or soft-wash of Waves; stones grinding in the surf….

The textures? Hills furred with Chaparral; rough glinting of DG; the barks of Oak, Eucalyptus, Madrone, Redwood & Cyprus; Moss & Lichen & Ferns; spongy Leaf litter….

The vistas? Vast waves to a perfect horizon; towering slopes and deep canyons; impossibly tall Redwoods; miles of undulating coastline….

The tastes? Salty breeze; minty Yuerba Buena tea; Spring Beauty radish-roots; food cooked over wood & close to Earth….

The people? Steadfast, helpful, creative, fun & funny…characters all!

I am ‘owned’ by all this beauty & life whether I am here or elsewhere, and it draws me back forever.

© Tzila “Z” Duenzl 2008

Tzila "Z" said...

Well...it's Wednesday, and everyone is streaming back to their homes amid the burned landscape. I sit here, in Ashland, Oregon, yearning to be there...to SEE what has happened...what IS happening, and to share the experience. Alas, that is not to be...yet.

And with everyone so busy getting home, going to meetings, re-connecting, starting to clean-up...I'm sure the list is endless...the posts online today are few and far between - the Nepenthe webcam is even off. I feel cut-off. How I feel is insignificant to what all those there must be feeling...I can only imagine the 'shock and awe'. But that's just it...I can only IMAGINE...and that's hard. In the course of this fire, I have relied on the web to connect me with my Big Sur 'home' and family. With the natural course of diminishing information online, I am left apart.

I connected with Big Sur in the deepest way in the 25+ years I lived there, and, even though I haven't lived there for some years (except last Winter), that connection is as strong as ever...maybe even more so now that I am 'mature'(?)! :)

I am SO with everyone there, in Spirit if not in body. And I will be there in the Fall...to help with whatever I can.

In the meantime, will someone please kiss the Earth there for me and say my name...and please forgive me my whining!!